Lewis Brown

Performing Belonging – Queerplatonic Love Poems

With any luck, we’ve laid enough groundwork in the previous parts for me to dive right in with my own poetry of queer belonging. I hope each of these will either describe that impulse to ‘perform belonging’, or perform it directly as a speech act. And if I’ve done my job well, there will be a scrap of something relatable to anyone who draws a sense of belonging the (queer)platonic relationship in their life.

I present these three poems here without additional commentary:


Distance
Sometimes we’re both doing bad 
and that’s part of it too. 
Days when the answer is shit, 
shit like yesterday and tomorrow, 
thanks for asking. 
Really thanks for asking.
It’s difficult. I’m glad. It has to be. 
Foulweather love, your questions 
aren’t helping, ask them more. 
My encouragement never cured 
a fucking thing. I’ll keep it up.
“Let me know what I can do to help!” 
“Bring me meds that work and income. 
Give the state a heart. Undo the news.” 
“I can’t.” “I know. Try again tomorrow.” 
Always, anytime.
Don’t go but come no closer. 
My broken focus loves you. 
Your depression loves me back

I saw a steak bake lying in the rain and thought of you (a love poem)
I saw a steak bake lying in the rain 
and thought of you.
Oh it was wretched. 
It was miserable. 
Lying flat on the pavement like depression. 
136.4g of… ‘why bother?’ 
Inconsolable, 
as the raindrops landed in great big dolorous dollops.
You’d have loved it.
And then the seagulls came 
looking for lunch.
Oh it was visceral. 
It was ghoulish. 
Like a car crash you can’t look away from. 
They’d have to censor it on the news. 
That pastry’s innards were its outards 
and its outards were everywhere 
torn between two barbaric birds 
that would rather die than share.
You’d have been obsessed.
So I showed you across the distance 
and the essence of the moment reached you.
Oh it was glorious. 
It was exultation. 
It was like you saw it for yourself 
only better 
as the filter of your laughing eyes 
turned silly shit to love 
and love to medicine 
like an answered prayer 
dissolving on the tongue.
I saw a steak bake lying in the rain 
and thought of you, 
wished that you’d been there to share it 
and by a little miracle
you were

>PART 4 – Performing Belonging – Town

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