Get inside my head: play Lenni Sanders’ dreams

''//Get inside my head: a game, in which you play Lenni's dreams//'' (background:black)[//“Will it [[hurt]]?” you want to know as you take the pipette. No. At least not very much, not too much, not more than would make it not worth it to try. A scientist in a white coat, not Lenni Sanders, who knows nothing about any of this, fastens your seatbelt for you, turns down the light. [[Squeeze]] a little drop into both your eyes.//]

(enchant:?passage,(text-colour:black)+(background:#f7f087))[You kneel in the sand. Something has come dislodged in your mouth, at the back of your mouth. You spit a chunk of pulp, the colour of old chewing gum, and a little bloodied. [[Your dad]] is there, and he is worried for you. More and more keeps coming out of the hole in the back of your mouth where the tooth should be. He says “Do you have a dentist?” The best solution he says would be to register in [[Portugal]].]

(enchant:?passage,(background:#ac80ff))[At the end of the comedian’s show you try to pay him with loose ibuprofen tablets and a strip of sertraline, declaring “A sacrifice for the gods!” “Not good enough.” Do you swap it for coins? [[Yes]] [[No]]]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#87a9f7)[Your dad’s friend is visiting your parents’ house: he brings a gift, fruit cordial for dogs. You miss your dog. You pour a glass of dog juice for your friend the poet, who is somehow here too. You do this by accident and don’t tell him what it is. Where are you going tonight? [[The pub]] [[The theatre]] [[Out to dinner]]]

(enchant:?passage,(text-colour:black)+(background:#f29bf3))[On a large group holiday, with mostly unreal people, you’re looking for your spot in the maze of sofas. When you think you’ve found it you see someone else's pyjamas there. Eventually, you find some empty spaces. Another group is there: you join forces. You decide to play a game, uncertain what exactly. Cards, perhaps. A woman says salaciously “It might get sexual!” You reply “I am 27.” But first – a tea run. You try to pick up 6 mugs at once but find some are only salt shakers. Someone follows you into the kitchen - who is it? [[An acquaintance]] [[The salacious woman’s boyfriend]]]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#87a9f7)[In the beer garden with your parents you realise you were supposed to make a phone call. But it’s too crowded, there’s nowhere quiet to stand, nowhere where you’re not shoulder to shoulder to shoulder to shoulder. Everyone is watching the meteorological event. Slow light is trickling through the [[sky]], everyone is gasping, something will change tonight.]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#87a9f7)[You and your friend go to the theatre. At the bar, he orders a snake he plans to eat during the show. Is this allowed? you wonder. [[Yeah]] [[Nope]]]

(background:#ac80ff)[You swap it for coins. You are embarrassed. He cracks a joke which you find very funny in which he pokes you, hard, in the eye. It’s uncertain what makes this quite so funny. //Somewhere Lenni mumbles Ouchhh// (link-goto: "//and a head beneath a duvet disappears//", (either: "hurt", "The theatre"))]

(enchant:?passage,(background:#ac80ff))[You take back what you gave him but also scoop out £5 in change. You go to [[The library]] [[Someone’s house]]]

(enchant:?passage,(text-colour:black)+(background:#f29bf3))[Someone you don’t know well (but have always felt you could be friends with) is so grateful for you making the tea that they whisper “I love you”.] //this is a kind of moment people like to [[wake up]] on, a sugar cube to last the day - or should Lenni (link-goto: "dream deeper?", (either: "scandalised!", "Go to the film festival in town")) The pillow is as soft as a cheek and there is a whole roost of hours perched side by side till dawn.//

(enchant:?passage,(text-colour:black)+(background:#f29bf3))[He says “Why didn’t you write down anyone’s orders?” Everyone’s getting almond milk, that’s all there is. [[Sorry.]] A song is playing on the radio: a Joni Mitchell type sings a song about fisting a lion. You’re [[scandalised!]]]

(enchant:?passage,(background:#a8a8a8))[You get a reply to the apology you sent a long time ago. It comes handwritten on a collage of brown paper and magazine clippings. It’s signed All the best, but it’s not ok. The letter says you can phone 11th March but not before - and in future, the talk will be of matters of large scale importance only - or else, the rules of complicated board games. And no more drinking. (link-goto: "//Moonlight is coming through the window, Lenni's ankle seeks cold air//", (either: "Squeeze", "The pub"))]

(enchant:?passage,(background:#ff33c9))[The assistant catches you [[kissing]] your boyfriend in Rymans, leaning heavily on the display, arms around each other, now hands in each others’ hair, eyes shutter now than roots of plants in the dirt. “Get out of here!” You didn’t see them coming. You were just meant to be looking for a card for the party tonight. A famous dog from a cartoon is here. You don’t think he approves either.]

(background:#460c9d)[You and her have this in common: you were made by a mad scientist. You are in love. You both climb into her tent, to be safe, to be alone. One of you has the head of a bat which between kisses is snapping at the air. //[[wake up]]//]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#fdc372)[You're in your living room now - what do you want to do? [[Pack - get ready to go camping]] [[Go to the film festival in town]]]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#a0eed4)[In the creative writing class, you have to swap what you have written with the person next to you. You've got three pages - she has a whole stack. Confidently in your dressing gown you set off for the bathroom - no toilet, sink only. No problem! You open the cupboard door beneath the sink, squat, reverse your butt inside, and begin to piss. Which food concept is in your notes - [[on the go]] or [[sit down]]?]

(background:#ac80ff)[You are looking at the local history on the walls, the printed poems that came from writing workshops here. A woman seems to recognise you. She looks like your grandmother but she doesn’t have her name. She offers you some bread and butter to take round to your grandparents’ house. They are still there, to your surprise. You're in a black dress like you wore to the funerals you thought you attended. //[[wake up]]//]

(background:#ac80ff)[You go round as a gesture of peace. An unspecified enemy lies upstairs, hating you, you are well aware. It doesn't feel safe here. Downstairs, the visit goes well, and is pleasant enough. You are lent a lip balm. “I’ll be wanting that back.” You say “Let’s hang out soon.” It's uncertain if you mean it. The coat you’re wearing is not your own. You take away the picture you’ve been doodling, while you were sitting on the sofa. it’s called [[The Revolution]] [[The Dynasty]]]

(background:#ac80ff)[A picture of a group of people whose hands are joined. Their arms and legs are tangled in a dance suggesting that they changed places, but did not let go. One is you. Your dance partner’s face is turned away. //[[wake up]]//]

(background:#ac80ff)[It’s a drawing of a scene from a film: a man returns to his mansion on horseback. The man at the door asks: “Where have you been?” First man: “I went to the baker’s - my wife was there, we were talking about bread, we made love on the counter.” Second man: “What does your wife look like?” First man: “A big sexy ass, and fingers that can play the clarinet!” Second man: “Don't you know your wife is dead?” First man: “Where have I been?” It was a demon. //[[wake up]]//]

(background:#1b4607)[There is a beautiful astronaut her hair floats behind her her catsuit is green //[[wake up]]//]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#fdc372)[You have got new camping pillows, which come with complicated directions: first pour the liquid onto paper to set, then peel along the dotted line - the gel comes off easily, inflates itself, and rises to the ceiling, a little creature with horns, an entirely gentle animal of air, which bobs around the room with the other you made, moving like carousel horses or like fish approaching the surface. You wonder how you’re supposed to go to sleep on one. You remember you were meant to save these to see together. Will they last till he gets home? The doorbell rings, who do you think it is? [[Him]] or [[a stranger]]?]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#fdc372)[Nothing good is on and nobody wants to share the rotten nectarines you found. You’re eating raisins with your friend who is in such a vicious mood you take off walking: at a stall, you find a suitcase with your name on, £14.99. [[Do you take it without paying]] or [[go to find more fruit?]]]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#fdc372)[Out of sight around the corner, you open it – it’s full of Dune merch. Everyone is so impressed. (link-goto: "//Lenni rolls over at 3am, looking very peaceful in the night's almost perfect silence (only occasional cars, which are almost like the ocean)//", (either: "Portugal", "someone's house"))]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#fdc372)[In the supermarket, you find a sack of raisins flavoured with plum, for everyone to help themselves and pay at the till, but you’re not paying attention, because you’re listening to the group of women who are laughing conspiratorially about their tits and you realise you cannot talk frankly to anyone about how you feel about your body. You feel like a sack of raisins – who knows how it stays together, without spilling its dry purple tears across the tiles, which would tap like the feet of a procession of clipped wing birds? //[[wake up]]//]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#a0eed4) [a coffee cup full of spaghetti //[[wake up]]//]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#a0eed4)[a bagel, inside two slices of bread //[[wake up]]//]

//Your eyes are getting sore, your real eyes. You blink seven times fast and see the real world again. Somewhere, Lenni is sleeping on. Goodnight! Do you want to [[start]] again tomorrow night? //

(background:#b78080)[You're trying to find a room to be alone together in: but as soon as you imagine one, someone else comes in. Every room you can find is smaller than the last, you shut the door, but never fast enough. //[[wake up]]//]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#fdc372)[You forgot - you have planned the ultimate party and everyone in the world is coming. At a certain point you will be crushed to death – it’s something definite, like 5am birdsong. They will keep arriving. A guy with a bullet wound to the head is here. He slid in through the open window – great entrance – you're glad to see he's somehow fine. And now a comic book artist you never met, telling you about his character designs. He says he has models made of every character, to help him imagine how they look. His birds, for example, are always made of stone, to lend the solidity he feels they especially need. And now the brilliant experimental writer you are always so pleased to see standing at the back of literature nights in the pub is here. Your friends from school who you are sad you haven’t spoken to in such a long time. Your boyfriend makes a big batch of soup more as a gesture than anything else. It will not be enough, The house is filling up. (link-goto:"//Lenni's breathing somewhere changes, faster shallower - if it had wings it would be one of the smaller birds//", (either: "Someone's house", "Portugal", "hurt"))]

(text-colour:black)+(background:#87a9f7)[This place is different now: it used to be the place to go for huge slices of pizza. You guess that after lockdown they've had to branch out. Now they have a gigantic laminated menu, A4, nearly every page an advert, a very long seafood section, which bears this disclaimer: "I am a fisherman. I can cope with what I eat. You might have seen the viral video of me falling down the stairs. Blame the stairs not me!" //(link-goto: "Lenni fell asleep in socks because of poor circulation but has kicked them off. There is a little pile of socks from previous nights accumulating at the foot of the bed, not yet enough to do something about." , (either: "scandalised!", "Go to the film festival in town"))//]